Remember to Still Date During Wedding Planning

Eliza Jane
Feb 11
3 min read

Updated: Feb 11

A luxury wedding planner’s honest reminder about what actually matters

As a Rochester, New York wedding planner, I spend my days thinking about linen textures, lighting plans, floral palettes, and the exact shade of ivory that feels just right at sunset.

And I love it. Truly.

Trust me, I care about the napkin colors.

Design is my craft. Beautiful, intentional weddings are my life’s work. I am the first person to obsess over the menu card, a charger plate or whether the band or DJ better fits the energy of your guest list.

Arbor Midtown Wedding Cold Sparklers Indian Wedding

But after years as a luxury wedding planner in New York, I’ve learned something that matters more than any design decision.

If you get to the wedding day and the two of you are not on the same page, none of it matters.

Not the flowers. Not the linens. Not the tent. Not the guest count. Not the $150,000 celebration.

None of it.

Because the wedding was never the point.

Somewhere along the way, we forgot why we are doing this

The modern wedding industry can be loud.

Pinterest boards. Trends. Custom dance floors. Signature cocktails. A million opinions from well meaning family members. Endless decisions.

It becomes very easy to slip into production mode. You start managing a project instead of nurturing a relationship. Suddenly you are debating chair styles at 10:30 pm or arguing about whether you need a band or a DJ like it’s life or death.

And I see it happen all the time. Couples who are deeply in love slowly turning into business partners running an event.

Planning a wedding should not feel like running a company together.

It should still feel like dating.

Elegant wedding with white tablecloths, gold chairs, floral centerpieces, and chandeliers. Soft lighting creates a sophisticated atmosphere.

Date each other during the process

Go to dinner without talking about the guest list. Take a walk and don’t mention the seating chart.

Have a night where wedding planning is completely off limits.

Remember why you chose each other in the first place.

Because here’s the truth no one says out loud. Your marriage starts long before your wedding day.

The way you communicate during planning is the way you will communicate in real life.

How you handle stress now is how you will handle stress later.

How you compromise now is how you will compromise forever.

The wedding is just a mirror.

A joyful couple in formal attire enters a decorated reception, surrounded by flowers and candles. The man raises an arm in celebration under a chandelier.

What I see behind the scenes as a New York wedding planner

After years working with couples across Rochester, New York and beyond, I can tell almost immediately who will thrive together.

It is never about budget.

It is never about how elaborate the design is.

It is about whether they are best friends.

The couples who laugh through problems. Who hold hands during meetings. Who say “we” more than “I.” Who protect each other’s peace.

Those are the weddings that feel magical.

Not because the florals are bigger.

Because the love is.

Ironically, those couples also tend to trust the process more and enjoy the planning. Which usually results in the most beautiful events anyway. Calm energy creates better weddings. Every time.

A couple dances joyfully in an elegant hall, surrounded by sparklers. The woman wears a white embroidered gown, enhancing the celebratory mood.

Invest in your relationship like you invest in your wedding

You would hire a planner. You would hire a photographer. You would hire a band.

So why not invest in your relationship too?

I’m a big believer in therapy before you need it. Not after something breaks. And I say that with humility and lived experience.

Marriage is not sustained by centerpieces. It is sustained by communication, self awareness, and teamwork.

The wedding should celebrate a strong foundation, not distract from cracks.

Elegant wedding reception with floral centerpieces, candles, and white drapes. Large monogram "J&S" projected on the wall. Sophisticated ambiance.

Yes, we will design something stunning

Let me be clear.

I will still obsess over every detail for you.

I will still design a breathtaking tent, layer the perfect tablescape, and curate every moment with intention.

Put me in, coach. I love a stunning wedding.

But my favorite part of this job is not the flowers or the linens.

It is watching two people who genuinely like each other choose forever.

That is what makes a wedding feel luxurious.

Not the price tag.

The partnership.

A couple in traditional attire walks a happy white dog on a paved path. The man wears white and gold; the woman, a green sari.

A gentle reminder

Plan the wedding.

Choose the napkins.

Have the band or the DJ.

Care about the details.

Just do not forget to date each other while you do it.

Because when the music ends and the candles burn out, you only take one thing home with you.

Each other.

Couple in traditional attire, smiling and holding hands, walk on a path with greenery and brick background. She wears a green sari; he wears white.

Planning a wedding in Rochester, New York or the Finger Lakes?

If you’re looking for a Rochester, New York wedding planner or a luxury New York wedding planner who believes your relationship matters just as much as the design, I’d love to connect.

At Eliza Jane Events, we create refined, editorial, highly personalized celebrations that feel effortless and deeply meaningful.

Beautiful weddings. Strong partnerships. Both matter.